CAN ASTROLOGY SAVE YOUR DATING LIFE? ♈️

 

NOW I am not a crazy person who lives her life reading her horoscopes everyday to see if I am going to meet prince charming in my local Pret!. However; knowing your sign can help you understand major parts of your life, from how you come off to people to why your biggest turn-ons are SUCH turn-ons. And one of the most confusing is, seriously, why do you keep dating the same crappy people over and over again?

Like Seriously ? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Good news: astrology can explain it all! Does it mean you’ll stop dating them? Erm, that’s up to you my lovely, but sometimes getting a sip of that truth tea can make you see the light, and finally stop dating bros who just ain’t cutting it.

Here’s the breakdown:

 


Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th

As the most humanitarian and politically-active sign, you are only turned on by people who passionately share the same values as you.

What could go wrong?

Well, for starters, they get so high-and-mighty about their own contributions to society that they actually make *YOU* feel like you’re not doing enough. 

Like, they will somehow make you feel like you are a bad feminist, just because you haven’t read The Second Sex yet. Are you tired yet? Because I am definitely tired

 


 

Pisces: February 19th – March 20th

Artists. That’s it. 🎨

You’re a creative, super touchy-feely sign (a bit too touchy feely), and tortured musicians/painters/writers/dancers are, for that reason, are your jam.

You’re always supporting them when they succeed, but dealing with their constant mood swings when they don’t. And while you both share artsy pursuits, you make sure your finances are set and don’t mind working a full-time job. They, on the other hand, hate feeling unsuccessful and broke but also refuse to consider any other options. That emotional labour is the ultimate creative block, BTW.

 


Aries: March 21st – April 19th

As an Aries, you’re ambitious and even a tad competitive: If you’re going to date someone, they have to be someone you’re just a teeny bit (ok, very) excited to flaunt on your Insta and at your nemesis’s birthday party 🥳

So, you date people who fit the bill: Hot, stupid-good in bed, getting those coins, killing the game in their industry, sport, or whatever it is they care about. The problem is, they care SO much about their career or Iron Man training that they will 1000% ditch you the moment you become an “inconvenience.” The vulnerable moments where you actually need them and it in any way distracts them from their one goal of Being The Best, they’re gone. Power couple instas: Deleted

 


Taurus: April 20th – May 20th

As a homebody earth sign, your idea of a good time with your boo is just cuddling in sweats, ordering UberEats, and Netflixing to your hearts’ content. Nothing wrong with that!

Buuuuut, when the weekend’s over, your sign is also all about working hard and following your dreams, but the chillaxed peeps you keep dating aren’t really on the same page. Soon, you start to notice that they vape a little toooo much, never plan dates, and low-key kind of resent you for “caring so much about work.” The biggest challenge is getting them to move out, which, obvi, takes FOREVER HA

 


Gemini: May 21st – June 20th

Being the most antisocial but social sign and all, you’re attracted to people who are equally as good at racking up party invites. When you see a charismatic, mega-snacky cutie in the middle of a circle, telling a story that somehow 10 drunk people are excitedly following–well, you’re in love.

Here’s the catch: they have so many buds and group chats and social events to keep up with, they never want to slow down and just be with you. The moment you ask for a “just us” weekend, they have no clue why their friends wouldn’t join. They’re also the type who would have like 14 groomsmen at their wedding and get too drunk before the ceremony, just sayin’!


Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd

You’re a sensitive crab 🦀, and when you find someone you click with, you fall into that dicksand FAST (see: Ariana Grande,famous Cancer, and uh, that whole Pete thing.) You consistently fall for super-passionate people who make your honeymoon period like, in the top three of your best memories.

Buuuuut. As fun as this all is, you still have your own friends and job and things you love doing solo, while they put everything into a relationship and, effectively, you. They complain to you about problems they should be telling a therapist, they tag along every time you do a BFFs-only night, and OMG, they will NOT. STOP. TEXTING. At its worst, this legit could be toxic but at its best, they’re just a total clinger.

Who doesn’t love a clinger ? 🧗🏽‍♂️


Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd

Ruled by the Sun ☀️, you love the limelight and anyone who will give it to you. But, TBH, you will also totally CHASE for it, because impressing people is sort of your raison d’être (no offence).

Enter: The hot n’ cold douche, who goes all out to make you feel like regal AF one moment (especially with gestures other people can see, like sending £100 roses to your desk on Valentine’s Day), only to take it all away the next. They make you feel 1000% unique, which you love, and totally replaceable, which you don’t, but man, does it keep you invested just to prove them wrong. Eventually, even you get tuckered out from all the back-n-forth, but this one is just so hard to quit.

 


Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd

In general, you do too much, you kinda are a tiny attention seeker. You’re prone to spreading yourself too thin and not noticing, and are REALLY bad at asking for help when you can just do the thing yourself (even if it kinda kills you.)

Which brings us to your dating life. The people you date are generally not total monsters (as you’re pretty analytical when it comes to red flags) they’re just a bit bleh compared to you, and never contribute as much to the relationship.

They’re the types who, yeah, will plan a date or tidy up the bathroom if you ask, but that’s the thing: you ALWAYS have to say it first. They never notice how exhausted you are, until you’re literally too tired to keep dating them.


 

Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd

You’re the MOST romantic sign, which already spells trouble (sorry!). It’s not that you’re not picky–on the contrary, you won’t waste a second on anyone who doesn’t immediately dazzle you on the first date.

But, ya know, that all obviously comes with hidden baggage. You get so swept up by charm and great conversation that you might literally ignore their “maybe-sorta-partner,” or the fact that they say stuff like “I’m not really into relationships.” It’s like they can utter the most red-flaggy, run-for-the-hills sentence straight to your face, but as long as they’re funny and cute, it’ll filter out into “I’m the one.” Then, three months in, you’ll wake up and realise the absolute nightmare of this dating sitch.

 


Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st

You’re the most introspective sign, which means you looooove probing TF out of people 🗣🗣 . And a brooding hottie you just can’t figure out? Consider yourself smitten.

But, trust, it gets old. The person who keeps quoting Russian lit instead of being upfront about their feelings, or keeps ghosting because they “like you too much” gets so f*cking tiring, dude. What starts out feeling like you’re the only one who gets them turns into you wishing you never met them in the first place, from how much they toy with your emotions. The biggest mystery isn’t them–it’s why you date them for so long in the first place.


 

Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st

As a Sag, you love adventure, and your cursed exes are equally game for spontaneous road trips. Except while you can be breezy and fun while also being committed, they can’t.

Simply put: your poison is flings who are SO fun to be around that, when they suddenly ask you to be their partner, you agree, even if part of you wonders if they’re solid boo material. The answer? Nah.

Right when you develop feels or more real needs in the relationship, they’re terrified and go running to the next person (or vacation, or general distraction) as fast as possible.

 


 

Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th

Your serious, workaholic ass tolerates no fools–but, ok, you also have SUCH a love-hate thing for people you see as cocky, super-annoying competition.

You can’t help it! On one hand, you want to show them you’re smarter and better in every way until they wipe the smug grin off their faces. On the other…ugh, that smug grin is HOT. Sorry, but your life is a never-ending rom-com of getting with guys you also high-key cannot stand.

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